Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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