even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
