Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
