direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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