you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
