I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
