Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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