I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Randomize
