I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
