We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
