my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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