I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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