i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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