i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
