I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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