Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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