Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
