Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Randomize
