Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
