i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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