Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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