One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize