what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
