what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize