first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
