yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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