What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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