he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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