Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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