I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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