Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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