she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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