you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
