I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
