it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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