Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
