So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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