Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
