I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
