did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
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