It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
