i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
