he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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