1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
