he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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