First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize