If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I think my moral compass just broke
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
