Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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