Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
