party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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