@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
