so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize