After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
