Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
