If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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