At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
