It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
