Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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