next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
