Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
