Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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