Your mouth is God's brothel.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
