I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize