I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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