Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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