If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
