woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I don't deserve a penis
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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