There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
