why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
