Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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