This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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