I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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