did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
