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both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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