i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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