Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
