I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
