if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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