I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
